For decades, CHA has promoted itself as a parent partnership school. Parents are part of the “three-legged stool” at CHA: parents, school, and church. And CHA is a parent partnership school. Our parents are very involved at CHA, from populating our Board of Directors to volunteering in the library.
CHA parents are phenomenal and, frankly, our parents are one of my favorite things about our school. But a parent-school partnership is not self-explanatory. It is a unique part of CHA culture that deserves some clarification, some reminders for the veterans among us, and some explanation for families new to CHA. What exactly is it? And, importantly, what isn’t it?
CHA Partnership
1. Partnership is Viewing Education, Character Growth, and Social Maturity as a Joint Endeavor
Rachel, a fourth grader, was a really shy kid at home, answering questions with only a few words and retreating to her room to read or draw. But between November and February of her fourth grade year, she had grown by leaps and bounds as a leader in group projects, helping to solve problems at recess and often staying after class to help tuck in chairs and pick up. In February, Rachel’s parents got an invitation to an after school meeting with her teacher, who told them about Rachel’s growth. They were floored – in a good way. On the way home from the meeting, they asked Rachel about it, and she was beaming. She has been a leader ever since.
When the adults in a child’s life come together to observe, to share information, and to collaborate about personal growth, it can work wonders in his or her life.
- Teacher: Can you give me some insight into what is going on with Johnny’s behavior at home so I can ensure I understand how to best help him understand what is expected in the classroom?
- Parent: Shelby is really struggling with math and is feeling really discouraged. What’s the best way I can help her at home? Also, please just know that a little encouragement from you will probably mean the world to her!
- Administrator: Tiffany was quite rude to another student today during a passing period. We talked and issued a consequence at school today, but could you follow up at home as well?
When multiple adults join together for the good of a child, it leads to growth – and when our whole purpose is to equip lifetime followers of Jesus, that growth really means something. Honestly, parent partnership like this is one of the best parts about CHA.
What Partnership Isn’t: A Consumerist Approach to Education
The above scenario, however, is not always how it plays out at other schools. I once heard a parent (note: not a CHA parent!), frustrated with her kids’ grades, ask, “Why do I need to work with my kids at home, too? Isn’t that what we pay the teachers for?”
This approach is a consumerist approach to the education of a child. Of course this parent was partially right: teachers should be teaching their students how to learn. That is in the job description. But the growth and development of a child – particularly when that growth is rooted in following Jesus – is a community endeavor that doesn’t start at 8:00 AM and end at 3:00 PM. As much as possible, it needs to be happening every hour of every day at school, at home, and at church. Parents should expect to be involved in the education of their kids. In fact, at CHA we believe that parents should be the primary voice of authority in the lives of their children. This is very different from the direction of a lot of America’s schools today.
Another Thing Partnership Isn’t: Competing Spheres of Influence
One of the reasons many parents send their kids to CHA is because public schools these days are a competing sphere of influence. Whether it’s creationism, gender, Jesus, Pride Month, social media, or values, many schools have become promoters of a drastically different (and often alluring) worldview. Many of our parents feel the stakes and scale of this ‘competition’ for our kids’ hearts is just too great and desperately desire for the message at home and school to align.
When the adults in a child’s life come together to observe, to share information, and to collaborate about personal growth, it can work wonders in his or her life.
However, even when that message does align, we parents (myself included!) can often forget how much we align and get caught up in the unfortunate trap of much more minor disagreements – homework, peripheral theological differences, teaching style – that we forget we’re on the same team!
“Can you believe that this teacher thinks that drinking alcohol is not a sin?”
“She just doesn’t like my son. I swear she gives him lower grades than the other kids for no reason.”
“I heard that teacher doesn’t pray before every class like the other teachers.”
“He’s really nice, but I hear his homework is ridiculous; let’s try to get assigned to a different class next year.”
These are not illegitimate concerns by any means. But the tone in each statement reflects a breakdown in parent-school partnership. Just like in a friendship or in a marriage, once we start assuming the worst in each other, forgetting that we both share the same values and the same heart, things can get ugly and, ultimately, really bad for kids. Once a child starts getting really strong vibes from a parent that a teacher is bad or mean or incompetent or maybe not a Christian – if we let gossip and hearsay and slander creep in – there is not going to be much learning that takes place. These things are a cancer for a Christian school.
We are all at CHA to equip and inspire kids to follow Jesus. We have to remember that. We have to keep the main thing the main thing, and we have to commit to working together for the good of our children.
Keep reading! Let’s get back to the positives: see below for three more really important tips on what parent-school partnership for the good of our kids looks like.
2. Partnership is Clear Communication Rooted in Positive Assumptions
One of the things Kim (my wife) and I agreed on early in our marriage was that we could always try to first give each other “the benefit of the doubt.” This meant that we would, instead of assuming that the other was being malicious or devious, assume it was a well-intentioned mistake or misunderstanding. Successful partnerships have to be built on this kind of trust.
What does parent-school partnership NOT built on clear communication and positive assumptions look like? Here’s a hypothetical example:
Student spends 65 tearful minutes on a homework assignment for English class
Parent reaches out to administrator about the “ridiculously involved homework assignment” that took over an hour
Administrator talks to teacher and discovers it was a 5-point, quick homework assignment that a few students spent waaaaayyy too much time completing
Administrator reaches back out to parents to say she followed up with the teacher and strongly recommends a phone call with the teacher (per CHA’s Matthew 18 approach to communication)
Parents and teacher do not call because parents fear their child will be treated differently if they “complain”
Teacher is frustrated that parents “went above her head” with administration
Parents feel the school does not act on teacher performance issues, and it remains a festering wound discussed with other parents
Yuck! Stepping back and looking at it, it’s pretty clear what was needed: direct communication and giving each other the benefit of the doubt. The parent concerns were legitimate. The teacher assignment was legitimate. If only they both knew what the other was trying to do. The solution? Partnership:
Student spends 65 tearful minutes on a homework assignment for English class; something is not right, so the parent emails the teacher
Parent and teacher discuss the assignment and come up with a great idea: giving students a suggested time limit for assignments
Parents also talk to their child about perfectionism, a tendency the teacher has noticed in the student
Tada! Beautiful partnership.
Are there times that teachers do unwise things or make mistakes that go beyond the small scale here? Certainly. But partnership must start here: with clear, direct communication and the positive assumption that we are all working for the good of the children under our care. And let me be clear: that includes our faculty and staff, too. That same benefit of the doubt and direct communication should be given by us to you as parents, as well. No gossip, no competing spheres of influence, no festering wounds. Partnership. When it happens, it’s beautiful.
3. Partnership is also Getting Involved!
Two years ago I was talking to one of our CHA dads who was coaching Middle School boys’ basketball, and I asked him how it was going. He laughed and said something along the lines of, “I don’t know how you guys do this every day.” I laughed back. “Do you love it, though?” And of course the answer was a resounding YES. There is something magical that happens when parents get involved. Suddenly folks can see the incredible things that God is doing at CHA and have a deeper insight into both the task at hand and how to effectively partner in it. It’s really easy to communicate with and trust people with whom you are in the trenches. Plus, it’s ministry!
So here is my encouragement to you: GET INVOLVED!
CHA is filled with opportunities to be a part of our wonderful community. There is something for everyone — whether you can volunteer very regularly or even just on a Saturday evening a couple times a year.
Sign up to serve at an event.
Be a room parent.
Help with a PVO coffee.
Pray with other parents on Monday or Friday.
Set up for or take down an event.
Coach.
Be a part of “Your Story Matters” in our Lower School this year (more on that later).
Volunteer in the library.
Partner with Admissions to welcome new families or connect with prospective parents.
Give.
Prepare something for our “World Flavor Fest” (more on that later, too!).
Sell concessions at your kid’s game, or run the scoreboard.
Do makeup or costumes for a play.
Be an accompanist for the choir.
Share your testimony at chapel.
Help direct traffic at dismissal or arrival.
CHA is not just a school—it’s a family. Get to know your people.
4. Partnership Means Family
What has been described so far is simply this: living as a family. We have a shared mission. We should of course avoid the trappings of transactional relationships and distrust. We should communicate well and trust one another. And we should be involved, working together in our shared mission.
One final, yet crucial, partnership tip is that we must remember that although we are a family, we are not all identical. We represent over 100 different churches in Chicagoland and dozens of different cultures and backgrounds. We are guaranteed to have many differences.
Your child’s Bible teacher might not be a Calvinist. Your PE teacher might have tattoos. Our sports teams might not have equal playing time for all athletes. Your fourth grade teacher might believe in infant baptism. We might assign more homework than you’d prefer. You might want Bible class to be more academic than it is. We might require performing arts in Middle School, even when your child doesn’t like being up front. Your child might think one of his teachers is “boring.”
As partners, we would do well to remember the famous Reformation quote: “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.” Sometimes, especially in the minor things like those above, we may need to think of ourselves as coaches of rather than controllers of our kids’ experiences, recognizing that they must be equipped to patiently respond to and graciously work with differences in the Kingdom of God. (Check out Principle #3 in my article on Discipline for another example of how this plays out!) Those differences are often a beautiful opportunity for growth in our children as we guide them to be critical thinkers who know how to responsibly explore God’s diverse world.
Parent-school partnership is one of CHA’s greatest assets. But any great treasure must be protected. As we enter another school year together, let’s re-commit to doing just that. Let’s re-commit to viewing education as a joint endeavor, to clear communication rooted in positive assumptions, to a renewed commitment to being involved, and to guiding our kids through the challenges they are sure to face as part of living together in a loving family.
May CHA, every year, through our work together, look more and more like the Kingdom of God as we seek to “be completely humble and gentle;…patient, bearing with one another in love,” making “every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph 4:3-4).
Get involved!
—J.T.
