Each week this month, we’re working through a few tips on how to encourage our kids to live out our semester theme to Excel in Your Gifts. See below for Tip #2!
Tip #2: Help your kids understand that their gifts are just that: gifts
“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.”
In I Corinthians 12, Paul uses the word “gifts” for a reason, making it very clear that they are from God, not ourselves. These are things that we use and improve and hone, by His grace, but they are not, fundamentally, our own.
Now, Paul is here talking about spiritual gifts, which we’ll touch more on later, but the same concept can be applied to our skills and abilities and possessions and opportunities. After all, “from him and through him and for him are all things!”
Do your kids truly understand that what they have is a result of God’s good gifts?
- When your kids look at your family’s home or condo or apartment, do they think, “This is mine?”
- When your kids are asked to share something, do they do it willingly?
- When your kids get an A, do they think, “I’m awesome,” or do they think, “I’m so grateful God gave me a mind that I can use well?”
- When your kids excel in athletics, are they grateful to God for the opportunity, or more focused on how great they are compared to everyone else?
- What about you? When you look at your success, is it yours or God’s?
Answering these questions the right way is really hard. But foundational to being able to do so is the understanding that what we have is not ours.
What does your family do to remind yourselves of that?
Speaking for my own family—and we aren’t even close to perfect as a family (ha!)—here are a few of our catch phrases and habits that serve as our reminders:
“First world problems.” We say this in our family whenever someone is upset about no hot water for a shower or a restaurant being closed or the WiFi having issues.
“You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” Now that our kids are older, they love saying this one to each other, but for years in our family it’s been a good catch phrase that reminds us that complaining is antithetical to an abundant life.
“Many people are going hungry today…” is something we often pray before meals to remind us of our blessings, even if it’s Brussel sprouts.
“Do you realize how many kids in the world would love to [fill in the blank]?” is something we’ve said many times when encountering ‘tragedies’ like long lines at an amusement park or long car rides in a temperature-controlled car on a smooth highway.
You probably have your own collection of family reminders about how blessed you are. But do you say them enough? Will your kids say them to their kids? Have your kids internalized this understanding that all we have is a gift?
More than words, as parents we would also do well to provide our kids with opportunities to see life as a gift. This might mean allowing your kids—and even yourself—to be quite uncomfortable. When I was a kid (maybe 8th or 9th grade), my dad told my brother and me that he wanted to watch Schindler’s List with us. Midway through the movie, I was pretty horrified, and I covered my eyes. I distinctly remember my dad’s words: “Joey, you need to look at this, and you need to remember it.” You can agree or disagree with my dad’s parenting move there, but the point stuck. I learned—and never forgot—what humans are capable of doing to one another. And I was and am more grateful for what I have because of it.
This is one reason that at CHA we send kids on sometimes-uncomfortable GO! Week trips. They need to see poverty firsthand. They need to understand the world as it is. Without understanding hardship, how can we be inspired to change it—and how can we be grateful for what is good and right? Often, discomfort is the only path to gratitude.
What are some things you can do or say in your family to help your kids see the good things in their life as gifts rather than expectations? What are some experiences you can foster to help them understand the world as it really is and to thus be grateful for its blessings?
—JT
