This week we are exploring Part Three of our series on raising up your kids to Excel in their Gifts. If you didn’t get a chance to read Part One and Part Two, check them out!
Tip #3: Help your kids understand that the purpose of their gifts is the good of others.
In I Corinthians 12, Paul writes the following. Please pay particular attention to the bold text:
Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.
For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues.
All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills. For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.
As an avid soccer fan, a soccer metaphor is a must here.
What is a soccer team?
Most any excellent soccer team will have a “number 9,” who specializes in scoring goals. You will have a “10,” who is an excellent passer. You will have at least two center backs, usually tall, strong, and anchoring the defense. You will have a ‘keeper, the only player who can use his or her hands.
A soccer team is all of these parts and more, not just one. And the point of each of these parts is the good of the whole.
And “so it is with Christ.”
Outside of Jesus himself, the best representation of Christ is not a singular, holy, sanctified person. Rather, the best representation of Jesus is the community of believers, each excelling in their gifts as God intended them to, “for the common good.” This is the “body of Christ.”
Often we, along with our kids, get tremendously caught up in how we, as individuals, are doing on our own personal goals and gifts. But a core element of our sanctification—and the whole purpose of our giftedness—is how we do community. For example: I might want to excel in playing piano because musical excellence is honoring to God. Or I might want to get an A in Calculus because that is using my mind to glorify God. Or I might want to become an excellent goal scorer because I’m using God’s gift with excellence.
But a true follower of Christ isn’t truly excelling in piano or math or soccer until that gift is being used for the good of others. That is the purpose.
I’m more excellent as a pianist when I play for or with others. I’m more excellent as an engineer when I’m bettering my community by solving a problem. I’m more excellent as a soccer player when I’m part of a team.
So how do we as parents build this concept in the hearts of our children?
- Take the time to work on family projects together. I see more and more parents trying to do everything for their kids. This removes the invaluable and infinitely repeatable lesson of gifts working together for the good of one another. Do yard work together. Bathe the dog or wash the car together. Build a tree house or your IKEA furniture together. Assign chores. Split up the list at the grocery store. If you do it enough, especially at a young age, your kids will internalize the concept of a ‘household economy,’ where if they don’t do their part, or if they can’t work together, or if you, Dad, get too grumpy and just do it yourself, it all falls apart.
- Emphasize the purpose of gifts. My two high schoolers play club volleyball. Every season, I have a talk with each of them to rearticulate that the purpose of their pursuing excellence in volleyball has little to do with volleyball and a lot to do with leadership, determination, discipline, and teamwork. Those are the things that matter and the things that God cares most about. And if I ever see those elements being consumed only by volleyball itself, we’re done. My prayer is that they understand clearly that their gifts are only valuable if they better the lives of others and reflect the way of Christ.
- Take time to acknowledge gifts in action. Take time to debrief after events as a family—or maybe even with some grandparents or an aunt and uncle. “If you wouldn’t have been so efficient when you vacuumed, I don’t think we’d have finished before the party.” “Your attitude in that one play was a game changer and got the whole team back in it.” “You are so good at asking questions after church; your curiosity is a gift to all of us.” Celebrate the good use of gifts in your family and community.
I’m sure you have your own ideas for your own family. Regardless, let’s work to reinforce in our kids this foundational idea – that our gifts are not just for our own enjoyment; rather, they should be used to make a difference in our world, ultimately reflecting the likeness of our Savior.
—J.T.
